Friday, July 4, 2008

hm...

I've been feeling... off lately...
Mood swings, restlessness... emotional turmoil...
I know what part of it 'tis from...

but I don't feel comfortable really, talking to many people, especially few who I interact with daily, in RL...

When I leave the barn lately, 'tis been getting harder and harder. Not the leaving of the barn, but leaving Carlo. 'specially after a conversation we had on a walk lately.

Basic back story, one of my closest RL friends, and I, walk our three dogs almost nightly. Sometimes my mom comes with us. So, recently, my mom and our friend, Tree, were talking 'bout pets that they've had in the past and how they felt 'bout losing them. As we're nearing the house, my mom points at me, I was walking in front, and says, "I worry 'bout that one when she loses Carlo."
Good thing it was dark. I almost burst into tears right there. The thought ish just so abhorrent to my entire being... But she has every right to worry. I know that I'm going to be an emotional wreck when that happens. Ih, I got a horse knowing full well that their lifespans aren't as long as ours, and knowing how I get with things that I love. Its not a day that I look forward to. But its a day I hope ish long in the coming.
But I tear up just thinking 'bout it. Honestly, I'm not sure how I'm going to manage leaving for college in this one instance. I KNOW when I leave the barn on the 17th I'm going to be a mess. I accept that.

That's the one thing I'm not looking forward to as I prepare.

After a convo with my mom, on the way home from my uncle's today, I believe I've got RLS, at least, to a degree...
On a day when I'm normally active, and I end up not being active. There comes a point where I can't sit still. And my legs get really sore, from lack of activity...

gah
I really can't express in words how I'm feeling right now... I'm really looking forward to a nice, soft, furry shoulder in the morning. And the smell of horses, leather, and the fields.

3 comments:

DragonRider said...

I understand. YOu should have seen my mom when we left our twins in Haiti two days ago!

Paradox said...

I know how you feel. I feel almost the same way, my oldest doggy is getting worse by the month. Just think happy thoughts and spend a little extra time with Carlo.

RiderX said...

In response to your blog "I am sick of Cheaumont":

Extraordinary minds talk about ideas
Average minds talk about current events
Small minds talk about people

The problem with venting on a public forum is you never know who will stumble upon it....

A rider from "L"'s side of the barn